The valley of death and dying

I am not one who is easily moved by the worship service at church.  Having grown up in a very charismatic church, I am very uncomfortable around emotions.  I think growing up in a church where people cried and shouted on a regular basis had the opposite effect on me that it has on other people.  Rather than being comfortable around emotions because it's normal, I'm actually really uncomfortable.  I think it comes from my inability to discern what is authentic and sincere from what maybe in fact me a crazy person.  That said, yesterday in service I felt the spirit of the Lord in my heart during the worship.  Kind of rare but it came from singing a song that elaborated on the 23rd Psalm.  I was struck by the words "In the valley of death and dying, you are with me.  You are with me." 

So many times, I think we as Christians look around us and are perplexed by the troubles in our life.  I know I am certainly guilty of having my spirit yell out, "Where are you!?!"  This happens both on a public and private stage.  Many this past week, were asking "How could God allow the SCOTUS to make this decision?  What is happening to my country?"  I was asking, "My house has been for sale for over 60 days.  We've done everything we can do.  It's rained a years' worth of rain in 60 days… seriously?  What are You doing?  Why don't you send someone to buy it?"  These types of questions are normal for sheep.  My grandfather used to ask me, "Son, what do you think the dumbest animal is?"  I used to respond, "Well, the ostrich has the smallest brain."  He would then often times say, "Nah, for me, I think the dumbest animal is a sheep."  As I've grown older, I've seen the wisdom in his statement, and I've often wondered if we was trying to plant a seed in me.  Either way, if you've spent even a small amount of time around sheep, it's easy to understand why both my Grandpa would think they are stupid and why Jesus would refer to us as sheep.  They are stupid!  Stupid beyond imagination.  They frighten at the smallest things.  This is why a single dog can control a hundred of them.  I look at my life and I see how sheepish I am.  So many times, I panic and freak out because I don't see a solution.  Meanwhile, my shepard must be wondering, "Does he not have any sense?  Have I ever failed him?  The day when he thought he would lose his family, who did he cry out to?  Who was there?  Who saved him?  When he thought the boat he was on would sink?  Who saved him?  When he left that stupid camera bag on a train in Italy, who found it for him?  Does he still not see that I hold tomorrow in my hand?  That I see his future and his eternity, and I've got this?"

 For this reason, I try to remember to ask forgiveness daily for my lack of faith.  I try to remember that God has a plan for my house in San Antonio.  That He loves my children more than even I do.  That He has already picked out their husbands.  That the family circle will not be broken with me.  That He doesn't care anymore about the laws and government of the United States than He cared about the laws and government of the Romans.  That He's got it.  That He's coming back for me.  And that, I shouldn't expect anything from this world but death and dying, but that He is with me.  He comforts me.  He gives me Life, and Life more abundantly.  He doesn't expect me to be satisfied.  He will not leave me here. 

 This world is not my home.