It could've been so
much easier.
I could've stayed
around home. I could've got a job down
toward Nashville. I could've stayed at
TDOT. I could've married a local girl. We could've had a couple of normal kids. We could've went to Hilton Head for vacation
every year. We could've attended a local
church. We could've been friends with
the same people I've known my whole life.
I could've coached Pee Wee Basketball.
I could've watched the years roll by without much disruption. I could've been normal.
I didn't want to be
normal.
I remember one time
when I was a kid asking my Mom when "we were going to have an
adventure". I remember how
disappointed I was when I discovered that we weren't going to. Not today.
Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not ever.
TV and movies were just TV and movies.
They weren't real life. I
remember thinking "Why not?", and that was out of parents and
grandparents that really went above and beyond normal life where I was from. We never went to Florida on vacation. We went places like Nova Scotia. Even still, I knew there had to be another
life. Not necessary a better life, mind
you. There are certainly people who live
the life I described above and love every second of it, and It's not my
intention to criticize that. It just
wasn't me. I wanted something more. I wanted to stand on top of mountains. I wanted to look around and see no one who
spoke my language. I wanted to watch
movies and TV shows and see places that I had been, or even better still,
places that I had lived. I wanted to do
things. Travel. Fly.
Surf. Scuba dive. Own a motorcycle. Mountain bike. Ski.
Ride the subway. Sail. Kite board.
Fly fish. Kayak. I wanted to push the limits.
Still, life is not a
movie. Having done all those things I
listed and more, I've discovered that it's really more about balance. Adventure is a drug. You get high on living in different places
and doing different things the same way people get drunk on doing the same
thing living in the same place all the
time. It's a problem, too, because it
becomes harder and harder to get your fix so to speak. I have no doubt that if something happen to
my wife, God forbid, I would get a van or a motorcycle and take off. Mom would be looking at her phone wondering
who was calling from Argentina. People
say that all the time, but I would really do it. The itch is just that bad. Over time though, I've learned… I've tried really hard to learn… to slow
down. My friend Alan in Maine told me
once that, "First, you fish to catch fish.
Then, you fish to catch a certain type of fish. Eventually, you go fishing to enjoy the
flowers." I thought that was
beautiful, but what's more, I eventually found it to be true. I've also found that "Those who push the
limits, sometimes find that the limits push back." In the movies, the protagonist faces
adversity, but in a two hour movie, his struggle lasts maybe 15 mins. So maybe 25% of the time. In real life, it's not only the opposite
proportion but it's much greater than 75% of the time that you are just
struggling to survive. Even with that,
sometimes things come along that blindside you, and hit you harder than you
could've ever imagine. Like you stepped
out in the street only to be flattened by a cement truck. On those "idle Tuesday's", you'll
really question your choices in life and what you really believe.
Do I have
regrets? Sure, but it's not about the
choices I've made. The regrets I have
come from not having enough time to "get it all done". Life is grand. There's so much out there to see and
discover. There's so many people to know
and love. That said, I'm no longer
fearless, though. I've been hit by one
too many cement trucks, I guess, but I still love life. I still see so much possibility just in this
life, and I am breathless at what eternity will hold. I guess I'm just happy to say that I've
discovered that it's like the tshirts say, "Life is good." I would just add, "… eternity
will be even better."
This world is not my
home.
